Ugh I feel so fat & disgusting. I was doing so well on my fast & I was hardly eating anything..one piece of food per day at most...I got down to less than 105 pounds & was motivated to reach my first goal of 100 pounds..then today I was really stressed & depressed...I went on an eating binge & I wish i could throw up but I have problems with that...I just want to get rid of all the food I took intomy body today..it is so disgusting..i hate binges...i feel so incredibly fat..im guna hafta fast for a long time to make up for this..i was looking at pictures before & got mroe depressed...i want so badly to feel thin & look like those pictures..i want to be a skeleton...i want to just cut all of this fat off of me..I hate the way i look so much & im too ugly to be fat..i hafta atleasttt be skinny to make up for my ugliness...i really hate myself right now & just want to escape..Im making a promise to myself right now to not eat for a while...i really really want to succeed at my weight goals since i cant succeed at anything else...im tired of disappointing myself...im changing my long term weight goal to 80-85 lbs because my old goal isnt good enough anymore...well i hafta go do 3 million projects so i can go to sleep..my favorite part of the day..when my mind shuts off & i can escape the world for a few hours..i wish it was more than a few hours but i never get enough sleep...i wish i could keep writing but my parents already hate me for being a drunk..if it were up to me right now id be doing coke cuz that makes u skinny..actually i would just be doing it to get high bc i want to get my mind out of here..

Current Mood: discontent

i was too busy raving about my problems today that i forgot current stats..i will jus put some info...im 16...5'3..i dont kno my exact weight cuz my scale broke =[..i cant ask my mom for another scale bc she will get suspicious of me but i will try to convince my sister to take me out to buy a new one..for now im guna hafta stick with using my friends scale whenever im at her house..my last weight was 103 but my weight changes soo much do to my constant binge/fast periods..i was fasting for a while & i think i miteee hav reached 100...but today i binged & i think im over 105 again..yea it sux..i rly wish i new my exact weight...my ltw goal is 80...that probly wont happen tillcollege when theres no1 forcing me to eat but for this summer imhoping to reach a goal of 90..it will be easier this summer bc im working full time at a day camp so i will get plentyyyy of exercise..& i wont hav time to eat & my parents wont be there to force me to eat..yayy im excited to be thin again..yea and if any1 hasnt noticed..im pretty bipolar...not diagnosed or anything but yea im rly bipolar so sry about that..think thin everyone! <3 oh and i need a new motto to tell myself...any1 hav any good ones for me?? p.s. sry for all the extremely long posts